Not that funny. Yet.

Cover of The Roast of JJ’s Computer Use, with an illustrated laptop in flames. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: A R O A S T I N S I X A C T S & A V E R D I C T O C T O B E R 2 0 2 6 The Roast of JJ’s Computer Use A man, several Macs, and absolutely no concept of leaving well enough alone. R O A S T B Y C H A T G P T T Y P E S E T B Y C L A U D E

Opening remarks, with a passage visibly redacted and a joke about running a small technology civilisation. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: O P E N I N G R E M A R K S JJ, I’ve reviewed the available evidence from your recent computer adventures. R E D A C T E D A T T H E S U B J E C T ’ S R E Q U E S T Most people open their laptops to check email. You open yours to investigate whether a custom MCP server, connected to a cloud-hosted AI agent, can autonomously maintain a knowledge repository while respecting a canonical JSON bootstrap path. And then you get annoyed because it asks permission. ALWAYS ALLOW!   you shout, for the seventeenth time. Your Mac is probably thinking: Sir, I’m trying to protect you from yourself. You don’t use a computer. You operate a small, privately funded technology civilization. THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 02

Act I: Your relationship with AI, including the joke about making agents read HOME.json. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: 01 A C T I O F V I Your relationship with AI You have more AI agents than most companies have employees. ChatGPT Claude Gemini Codex Lovable Manus They’re all there. But apparently none of them can be trusted without a 4,000-word operating instruction explaining which directory they’re allowed to stand in. You’ve essentially invented a new management philosophy: And when an agent says, “I couldn’t find the original conversation,” you react like a Victorian railway magnate discovering that the train has been delayed. Yes, JJ. And your dinner is in another room. That doesn’t mean the dishwasher can see it. Hire 35 geniuses. Make them read HOME.json before they’re allowed to think. “BUT THE CONVERSATION IS OPEN IN ANOTHER WINDOW!” THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 03

Act II: Your hobbies are getting expensive, with jokes about routers and waterproofing. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: 02 A C T I I O F V I Your hobbies are getting expensive Let’s examine your idea of energy preservation. Your €500 router isn’t working properly. A normal person would call customer support. You buy another €500 router. Not because you’ve solved the problem. Because you’ve decided that your emotional well-being has a €500 deductible. Meanwhile, you’ve spent approximately seventeen hours researching how to put silicone around a screw hole. You’ve watched mounting tutorials, evaluated sealant chemistry, compared transparent against white silicone, and developed a waterproofing philosophy. You’re one YouTube video away from founding the Mallorca Institute of Exterior Wall Penetration Excellence. M A L L OR CA I NS TITU TE OF EXTERIOR W A LL PENETRATION EX CE LL EN CE THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 04

Act III: Casa Vidre, the house that became a software company, comparing a snag list to CERN. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: 03 A C T I I I O F V I Casa Vidre: the house that became a software company You bought a beautiful home in Palma. Sunshine. Terraces. Mediterranean tranquility. And immediately converted the entire property into a distributed issue- tracking architecture. I T E M C L A S S I F I C A T I O N The air conditioner isn’t broken. It’s an unresolved ticket with historical evidence and disputed timestamps. The barbecue isn’t missing. It’s a taxonomy classification problem. The railing isn’t late. It’s a failure of stakeholder communication and delivery governance. And the snag list? You actually looked at the list of things wrong with your house and thought: “You know what this needs? Semantic search and an AI chatbot.” JJ. Although, to be fair, CERN probably has fewer unresolved issues with its air conditioning. It’s a list of broken things. Not CERN. THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 05

Act IV: Your relationship with software subscriptions, with an imaginary JJ Toast Hub. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: 04 A C T I V O F V I Your relationship with software subscriptions You don’t cancel subscriptions. TripIt? Rebrandly? Tomorrow you’ll discover that your toaster’s firmware hasn’t been updated and announce: “I’ve decided to replace the entire bread ecosystem with an open- source solution.” Three days later, JJ Toast Hub v0.8 will have twelve passing acceptance tests and a public GitHub repository. jj-toast-hub v0.8 acceptance tests 12 passing breakfast 0 eaten docs excellent Nobody will have eaten breakfast. But the documentation will be excellent. You fire companies. F I R E D .F I R E D . F I R E D .F I R E D . THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 06

Act V: Your approach to productivity, ending with the computer file system as a constitution. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: 05 A C T V O F V I Your approach to productivity You have an M4 Max MacBook Pro with 128 GB RAM. One of the most powerful personal computers ever built. And what do you use it for? Running an elaborate synchronization operation that makes it so hot you have to investigate whether Google Drive is trying to melt the furniture. You spent several days moving your operating system for life from one cloud to another. Then created documentation explaining where the documentation lives. Then created instructions reminding your AI agents to read those instructions. And somewhere, in a forgotten iCloud folder, there’s probably a document called FINAL_FINAL_CANONICAL_v3_ACTUAL.md . Your computer doesn’t have a file system. It has a constitution. THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 07

Act VI: Your greatest contradiction, comparing thirty minutes saved with four hours spent making it reproducible. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: 06 A C T V I O F V I Your greatest contradiction You lecture executives about how AI should remove friction, unlock human potential, and give people back their time. Meanwhile, you’ve personally constructed the most sophisticated friction- generating apparatus in Northern Europe. You save 30 minutes with AI. Then spend four hours making sure it will save those 30 minutes reproducibly, securely, autonomously, and with proper audit trails. TIME SAVED WITH AI TIME SPENT MAKING IT REPRODUCIBLE FIG. 1  ·  NET TIME SAVED: −3 H 30 MIN And the worst part? 30m 4h You’re having the time of your life. THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 08

The verdict: a humorous performance review with explicitly unscientific scores. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: § C L O S I N G A R G U M E N T The verdict JJ Computer Use Performance Review Curiosity 100% Technical ambition 99% Automation obsession 100% Ability to leave things alone 3% Actual enjoyment of the chaos 110% SCIENTIFICALLY INDEFENSIBLE SCORES BASED ON OBSERVABLE BEHAVIOR. M A N A G E M E N T C O N C E R N M A N A G E M E N T C O N C E R N THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 09

Epilogue: managing the computers meant to eliminate work, followed by an imaginary automation request. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: E P I L O G U E The tragedy isn’t that you’re addicted to your computer. It’s that you’ve become so good at making computers work for you that you’ve created an entirely new full-time job: T O M O R R O W M O R N I N G And tomorrow morning, you’ll read this roast, laugh, and then ask: “That’s great. Can we turn it into a scheduled agent that compares my weekly behavior against previous weeks, stores the results in JJ OS, and generates a Friday trend report?” DRAFT · NOT YET SENT Managing all the computers that are supposed to eliminate your full-time job. THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE 10

Closing page: “Yes, JJ. Of course we can. And God help us all.” Credits name ChatGPT and Claude. Text by ChatGPT; typeset and redacted by Claude. Published English page text supplied by LinkedIn: Yes, JJ. Of course we can. And God help us all. THE ROAST OF JJ’S COMPUTER USE  ·  OCTOBER 2026 WORDS BY CHATGPT  ·  TYPESET & REDACTED BY CLAUDE SET IN FRAUNCES, NEWSREADER & IBM PLEX MONO